Opening clips highlight The Undertakers family situation. I guess that means his wife is returning to TV. Remind me to jump for joy later.

On tape from the land of the thousand lakes, this is WWE Smackdown for 9/12/02. Your hosts, neither of whom are fifty-year old lechers acting like theyre twelve, are Michael Cole and Taz(z).

Nontitle Match: Brock Lesnarberg (with Paul E. Dangerously) vs. Hardcore Holly. Holly pie-faces Brock, triggering a very even brawl. Brock takes him over with a nice belly-to-belly suplex and slaps on a front facelock. Holly bulls Brock outside, but Brock controls the brawl and suplexes him on the floor. It gets 2 in the ring. Brock does the clothesline with legsweep combo and a half-hour suplex. He hits the bearhug, and Holly starts to fight out, only to get suplexed for his troubles. Holly lifts the boots on a charge, but his second-rope dropkick misses. Brock botches a powerbomb, basically dropping poor Bob right on his head. They work it into the match, and Holly goes on the offensive, fighting out of a German suplex to hit the Best Dropkick in the Business. He gets some chops in, but Brock shrugs them off and hits the F5 for the win at 6:12. Good enough for government work, but it was basically a squash. 4/10

Tag Match: La Familia Guerrero vs. Edge and John Cena. Eddy jumps Edge, taking him down with a clothesline and putting the boots to him. Chavo keeps Cena at bay outside, but Edge rallies with a faceplant on Eddy, then a flapjack on Chavo. Cena and Eddy stay in. Cena tries to suplex Eddy, but the veteran blocks it and goes to work on the arm. Chavo sneaks in, but so does Edge, and he drops both heels with a double clothesline. Chavo pulls the ropes down on a whip, sending Cena to the floor. The Gerreros double-team Cena; Chavo stays in back in the ring. He clotheslines Cena down, and Eddy works him over in the corner. Cena busts out a press slam, but Chavo chop-blocks him on the second try. Tags all around, and Edge cleans house. Eddy pulls him down trying a spear, though, and crotches him on the ringpost. Adding insult to injury, Chavo does a sliding dropkick right into Edges face. Eddy suplexes Edge, and hits a nice Hurricanrana for 2. Chavo tags in, but Edge bulldogs him and reaches for the tag. Eddy tries to cut it off, only to get slugged away by Cena, who gets the hot tag and goes into house afire mode. Protobomb on Eddy gets 2. Edge spears Chavo in the corner, then posts himself going after Eddy. Chavo finishes Cena off with a brainbuster at 7:04. After the bell, Eddy tries to avenge himself further by forcing Edge into a Chavo mini-stinkface. Edge lowblows Eddy, though, and forces him into the unenviable position. Pretty funny spot, as both Guerreros have a talent for comedy. The match was very solid, and even the green Cena didnt stick out like I thought he might. Good efforts all around. 7/10

After the break, Eddy is livid, but Chavo insists he wiped. Well, thats good to know. Like Mom always said, if you ever have to give a Stinkface to your cousin, make sure youre wearing clean underwear.

Meanwhile, Marc Loyd questions Taker about bringing his wife to the arena. Matt Hardy tries to offer congratulations in his annoying, heavy-handed way, and gets shoved down for his troubles.

Meanwhile still, Rico gets frustrated ordering a cake with two groom figures. He tries to talk Stephanie McMahon into putting in an appearance, but she cites her bad luck with weddings and begs off. Rico cracks under the pressure of being a wedding planner, so Stephanie agrees to be the witness.

Kurt Angle points out how apropos it is for him to be taking on Rey Mysterio in Minny. Hardy har har. Angle points out that Rey is a boy in a mans world, and he loves to play with boys. Wait, Kurt says he didnt mean it like that, so he then says hed love to manhandle Rey. That didn't come out right, either, so Angle then talks about getting on top of Mysterio, and only the commercial break saves him from any more NAMBLA moments. Kurts goober character is the perfect one to be spouting things like that.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio. Angle slams Mysterio down, then does a single-leg takedown into a facelock. He disses Rey by slapping his head a bunch, so Rey drop toeholds Angle and takes him over with a firemans carry. Rey slaps Angle, forcing Kurt to chase him, but Angle cant match Reys quickness and he goes out thru the ropes. Rey headscissors him over, then hits a very nice double-springboard moonsault for 2. He jumped up to one side of the corner, then over the other, then came down with the moonsault. Awesome. Angle tries an Olympic Slam, but Rey armdrags out and rolls him up for 2. Angle hits a vicious release German, flipping Rey over completely in midair. Angle does a pair of backbreakers for 2. Rey slips out of a suplex and flattens Angle with the heel kick, but Kurt quickly rallies with an overhead belly-to-belly. Angle locks in a bodyscissors, but Rey turns it into a rollup for 2. He misses an enzuigiri, and Angle hits a pair of German suplexes. Rey bulldogs him down on the third try, though. Angle tries to capault Rey into the corner, but Rey turns it into a corkscrew moonsault. Nice. Angle ends up outside, so Rey follows him with a corkscrew tope. Rey rolls Angle back in and hits a springboard legdrop for a very close 2. Angle grabs an Anglelock, but Rey kicks out of it quickly. He hits the 619 and goes for the West Coast Pop, but Angle ducks it. Rey takes him over with a headscissors for 2. He goes up, but Angle pops up and follows him, coming down with a top-rope Angle Slam for the pin at 8:24. Very, very good TV match, with both men getting in their offense and looking good. 8/10

Chris Benoit vs. Rikishi. Benoit tries to jump Rikishi, but gets pounded for his troubles. Benoit headbutts the big man, which violates the important rule of never headbutting a Samoan. They practice on coconuts, I think. Rikishi hits a sitout powerbomb, but Benoit turns the tide with a low blow. He chops Rikishi down and gets the Crossface, but it isnt locked in. Rikishi stands and shoves out of it, nailing a cutter off the ropes. He tries the Banzai Drop, but Benoit gets up and brings Rikishi down with an electric chair. Benoit goes up for the Kamikaze headbutt, but Kurt Angle runs down and shoves him off for the DQ at 3:05. Rikishi gives Benoit the fatass splash, and Angle holds him down for the Stinkface. Kurt yuks it up as he walks back up the ramp. Its not like this one was going anywhere to begin with. 1/10

After the break, Benoit gripes to Stephanie about Angles treatment of him, and demands a match at Unforgiven. Matt Hardy has some complaints, of course, and demands a match against Undertaker tonight. Steph makes that match, too, and Matt guarantees victory. Matches for everyone tonight!

Meanwhile, Rico goes to the ring and grouses about the setup. The flowers are pansies, in case you were wondering. Nice little pun there by the writers.

Commitment Ceremony: Stephanie joins Rico and the elderly Justice of the Peace in the ring. Three soul singers belt out Its Raining Men as the happy couple of Billy and Chuck make their way to the ring. The Justice has an AWFUL voice, which leads me to believe its an act. I would guess it to be Pat Patterson, but that's a little too wink-wink-nudge-nudge, even for WWE. Chuck awkwardly reads the vows he wrote, which Billy dismisses as corny with a laugh. Rico plays a video he made, showing Billy and Chucks most gay highlights of the past year. The Justice asks if anyone objects to the union, so The Godfather walks out with about a dozen of his finest ho . . . er, talents. Godfather brings THE TRUTH~! with him, mentioning each mans past as a skirt-chaser. Rico asks Godfather and his good time girls to leave, so the train backs up the ramp. They go right to the I-dos, but then the happy couple reveal it was all supposed to be a publicity stunt. They go back into the closet, which sends Rico into a tizzy about his planning and pageantry going to waste. The Justice says the vows are sacred, whether they last fifty years or . . . three minutes. Three minutes? The Justice peels off his mask to reveal the smirking face of Easy Eric Bischoff, which spirals the whole ceremony into commotion. The Island Boys dispose of Billy and Chuck, then Jamal squashes Stephanie with a Samoan Drop. Before they can do the big splash, though, most of the Smackdown roster chases Bischoff and his invaders away.

That segment was very well-done, with the brief Bischoff invasion serving as an effective denouement. I didnt really expect them to go thru with the "commitment ceremony," but this was an excellent way to bust the whole thing up.

Torrie Wilson vs. Nidia. Torrie . . . hubba hubba! This was a bland match that ended with Torrie hitting a neckbreaker for the pin at 1:42. There wasnt much worth seeing (except Torrie in her small pink two-piece), so there wasnt much worth saying. DUD

Meanwhile, Matt Hardy hooks up with Brock and Paul en route to the gorilla position.

Main Event: Matt Hardy (with Brock Lesnarberg and Paul E. Dangerously) vs. The Undertaker. Matt Hardy in the main event? MATT HARDY? Im all for making new stars and I think Taker is a great choice to put them over but MATT HARDY?!? Heyman hops up on the apron a couple of times to distract UT, then slides a chair into the ring. UT tosses Matt down and throws the elbows in the corner. He hits a powerslam, then goes after Heyman, who is on the apron again. This time, Heyman gets the ol heave-ho from the ref. Hmm, that seemed a little easy. Matt lowblows UT and pounds him, but thats all no-sold with a big boot. Brock grabs UTs leg, so Matt dumps him out, allowing Brock a clothesline on the floor. Brock gets evicted as Matt wails away on Taker. Matt works him over in the corner and goes for the Twist of Fate, but UT shoves out. He kills Matt with a clothesline, then brawls with the animated corpse. UT hits Snake Eyes, but on the Titantron, we see Paul in Saras dressing room. UT scampers out of the ring to defend his wife, and dashes to the dressing room. He puts Heyman in a chokehold, but Brock comes up from behind with a chairshot to floor Taker. Brock menaces Sara before leaving. I dont like the real-life storylines in this vein, so I think the whole segment was supremely useless. The match was little better, as it ended about four and a half minutes in, and set up a piece of needless rubbish. 1/10

The breakdown:

The Good: The first three matches were very good. Brocks match was effective for his continued push as a monster, and both the tag team match and Angle/Rey were excellent. The commitment ceremony was very good, too, with the Bischoff surprise coming across very well. I like the rivalry theyre setting up between Raw and Smackdown (though I think theyre painting the wrong GM as the face), and this should further that very effectively.

The Bad: The last three matches were as blah as the first three were good. None of them were particularly offensive just bad and meaningless.

The Ugly: Im generally not a fan of real-life angles, but one man fighting to defend his pregnant wife while chasing the belt is really getting into the soap opera territory. Cant two guys just fight over the belt anymore, because its the title belt? If the belt means anything, what more motivation should anyone need?

Overall: Three good matches with three bad matches makes a wash there. The commitment ceremony was extremely well-done, and I think the goodwill from that outweighs my contempt of the pregnancy angle. Call this one a little above average, but it could have been the best of the year if theyd done everything as well as what worked tonight. I abhor wasted potential. 6/10